Slinking down the midnight street
The moon is high and the air tastes sweet
A deafening silence calls my name
Enticing me to play its game
One foot in front of the other,
Soon I’m greeted by another
An apparition – perhaps a shadow
Standing alone, its head hung low
An ominous smirk from ear to ear
Makes my blood turn cold with fear
Boney fingers with a relentless grasp
Trap me in the devil’s clasp.
You’re toxic. I can’t breathe when I’m around you; the air becomes so thick and polluted that I feel like I’m in a constant state of suffocation. You bring negativity and destruction into my life and watch as they turn my life upside down. You bring my comfortable, secure state into a world full of doubts, misery and suffering.
The world was once white, full of beautiful light colours reflecting fragments of a rainbow. Birds were chirping and the sun was out, warming everything in sight in its strong rays of sunlight. I immersed myself in this vibrant world, every day grateful for the happiness that filled my mind, body and soul.
Then you crept into my life like a dark storm, rolling across the sky while you waited for the perfect moment to release an array of rain, thunder and lightning. And like a true storm, the sky became dark and everything under it dull and grey. Colour slowly drained away until my world became insipid, followed by the darkest shade of misery.
You chose the perfect time to release the storm, raining over me, not daring to stop until I was soaked. You wanted me to feel just as miserable as you, and for a while it worked. You drew the tears out of my eyes, insecurities and doubt out of my heart, before turning to walk away.
My heart absorbed your toxicity, leaving it black with poison.
Hold my heart with gentle hands. It’s fragile, and like crystal, would smash if dropped.
My heart falls from your careless hands. It splits into a thousand tiny pieces, scattering in every direction. The ugly, broken shards used to make up a hopeful heart. Now it is broken and destroyed.
Don’t pick up the pieces. Don’t slide each small fragment back together again. Don’t pretend to fix something you don’t care about. You’ve done enough damage.
Turn around and walk away. Let me watch you walk away, leaving me with my broken heart on the ground. Let me pick up the pieces. Let me blame myself for everything that went wrong. Let me cry myself to sleep at night for a long time to come. Lastly, let me try to forget until your memory becomes an empty, blank space in the back of my mind.
A heart made of delicate crystal is now tainted from your touch.
Salty tears spill over the edge of your eyelids and roll down your cheeks, creating a wet trail through your fresh foundation. Peering at yourself in the mirror, you see smudges of mascara under your gloomy eyes and a pile of long, tousled hair that has been caught in the unforgiving wind and rain.
You hastily brush the tears away with the back of your hand, but it’s pointless as more continue to take their place. You can’t win, and you feel silly for even trying. They stop at your chin before dropping onto the pillowcase beneath you.
Your bones feel so incredibly weak, as though you’re paper thin and it would only take a small touch for you to crack and break apart under pressure. With this thought in mind, you roll onto your back and wrap your arms around your fragile waist. Feeling the outline of your ribcage, you wonder if there will be anything left of you by tomorrow. Will you still be in one piece or will the only resemblance of yourself be little, tiny shards scattered across your bed?
When you close your eyes the tears eventually subside. They are replaced with fatigue to the point where you could fall asleep any second now. It’s not often an insomniac feels this way and it makes a pleasant change that you welcome with open arms. You lose yourself in pure, peaceful darkness as you find solace that is worlds away from reality.
I wish we were able to walk down to the ocean and feel our problems take their heavy weight off our shoulders, falling to the soft sand below with a hefty thud. With our eyes closed, we would hear the waves crash onto the shore and reach the tips of our toes, while the sharp coldness would send a shiver running up our spines.
We would feel the gentle breeze play with our hair, sending strands dancing in the air around our composed face. The warm sunlight would creep out from behind a silky cloud and warm our milky, smooth skin to keep us warm from the contrasting coldness at our feet. Eventually, we would hear the gentle waves begin drawing their way back into the ocean, wrapping our problems up tightly in its safe arms before carrying it back into the depths of the endless ocean beyond us.
Suddenly it would become silent and that’s when we would open our eyes. Immediately we would notice how much lighter we feel, as though we could stand on tippy-toes and be lifted into the air as we twirl and play with our friend, Wind. We would walk back up the beach watching our feet slowly disappearing into the soft grains of sand, before taking one last look to where we were just a second ago. We look for our problems, but they are long gone, already at sea where the waves are taking care of them.
I can’t hear you, I can’t feel you and I can’t get through to you. It feels like you’re standing right in front of me, but a dense ocean stretches between us and keeps us separated. You have your back to me; you’re looking at something far away that I can’t see. I can’t reach you anymore. You don’t know I’m here.
I scream as loud as I possibly can, until my throat feels strained and achy, but you don’t so much as flinch at the sound of my voice. I call your name repeatedly, my voice now pleading and begging for you to turn around and just see me. I can feel my eyes welling up with salty, stinging tears and they stream down my cheeks, rolling to my chin and onto the ground below.
You can’t see me, and you can’t hear me. I’ve tried everything but there’s nothing I can do anymore. I feel powerless and helpless as the realisation sinks in that you’ve turned your back on me. I feel abandoned and neglected as I stare at your back, although still I silently pray for you to turn around and ultimately change the ending.
I sit alone and let my shoes sink into the gutter. It feels as though nothing matters anymore. My heart aches so much that it causes me physical pain and I look down, half expecting to see blood escaping through the front of my dress.
I look up only to find you gone. I was so distracted that I didn’t see you leave, even though you were there only a moment ago. It’s as though you’ve vanished into thin air, as there is no trace of you at all. It’s then that I wonder if you ever existed. Were you ever real?
In a vivid world that never ends
Time is warped and image bends
Colours are sharp, while lines blur
Uncertainty lies in what will occur
Paralysed in a mental state
Creativity starts to infiltrate
A new reality, uncontrolled
Imagination takes a hold
Cryptic messages everywhere
Hidden meanings turn to fear
We perceive we’re under attack
Yet it’s our reflection staring back.
An act so bold, that only the best
Could pluck my heart from my chest
And carry it round wherever they go
Leaving me to blindly follow
Seeds of doubts creep in my head
Important words left unsaid
Deafening silence threatens to enter
And find its way to the very centre
Silence is golden, ignorance is bliss
I underestimate the strength of a kiss
Time slips by, a passing shadow
With all logic thrown out the window.
Kiss me with venomous lips
Squeeze my heart until it drips
Disappoint me, just like the rest
After proving yourself to be the best
Now I leave you where you stand
Giving myself the upper hand
I’ll take what is rightfully mine
Having finally found my spine
Freeing myself from your grasp
I slowly slip from your tight clasp
Your mistake was letting me go
Thinking I would stay tomorrow.
Only you make those butterflies flutter
So deep inside me, my heart melting like butter
You’re everything I want, and so much more
It’s you I can’t help but adore
You always protect me and keep me safe
Showing me how to take a leap of faith
The way you make my heart skip a beat
Tells me I’m ready to admit defeat
Sweeping me off my feet like a charmer
You’re truly my knight in shining armour
I’m living the essence of a fairytale
Waiting for the moment when you lift my veil.