I can’t hear you, I can’t feel you and I can’t get through to you. It feels like you’re standing right in front of me, but a dense ocean stretches between us and keeps us separated. You have your back to me, you’re looking at something far away that I can’t see. I can’t reach you anymore. You don’t know I’m here.
I scream as loud as I possibly can, until my throat feels strained and aches, but you don’t flinch at the sound of my voice. I call your name over and over again, my voice is now pleading and begging for you to hear and turn around. I can feel my eyes welling up with salty, stinging tears and they stream down my cheeks, rolling to my chin and onto the ground below.
You can’t see me and you can’t hear me. I’ve tried everything but there’s nothing I can do anymore. I feel powerless and helpless as the realisation sinks in that you’ve turned your back on me. I feel abandoned and neglected as I stare at your back, although still I silently pray for you to turn around and ultimately change the ending.
I sit alone and let my shoes sink into the gutter. It feels as though nothing matters anymore. My heart aches so much that it causes me physical pain and I look down, half expecting to see blood escaping through the front of my dress. But there’s nothing there.
I look up only to find you gone. I was so distracted that I didn’t see you leave, even though you were there only a moment ago. It’s almost as though you’ve vanished into thin air. There is no trace of you at all. I wonder if you ever really existed. I wonder if any of it was real to begin with.
Love, Lucy Rebecca x