It’s ten past midnight and I’m thinking of you. I’m wondering what you are doing and where you are, and of course if you’re thinking about me. I wonder if you think of me each late night, around the time that we used to talk and be there for each other. This is the time that I’m always reminded of you and it makes it nearly impossible to go to sleep without the thought of you entering my mind at all.
My eyes are tired with fatigue and my hands feel frozen but still I find myself writing this. Winter is setting in and the cold, dreary days act as a realisation that you’re gone and I feel even more alone than ever before.
There’s something so comforting and positive about summer days, when everything around you is bright, warm and bathed in a gorgeous golden glow. Contrastingly, winter days force you to drag yourself out of bed each morning and has the ability to make any headache or heartache seem ten times worse. Looking out the window all you see is rain, haze and endless grey clouds. It really does play with your feelings and change your perspective on things, even if the slightest of ways that might go unnoticeable to most.
But it’s not just the weather that feels frosty. I feel frosty and sometimes all I want to do is be alone. My mood drops and I want to shut everything out, even if just for a little while. All I want is to be with you, to hear from you and know that you’re okay. It feels wrong trying to go about my daily life when you’re the only person I think about and care about. It makes me think that you should be in my life after all. It saddens me to think that I have to move on without either of us properly ending this or at least saying goodbye.
Please tell me you’re okay. Despite everything that’s happened, I still care about you and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to bring myself to stop. You’re someone who still means a lot to me and I feel that we’ve been through so much over the last few years that it’s important for us to be in each other’s lives and stay close. I feel that we need each other in a way that I can’t seem to describe and others wouldn’t understand, and I wonder if you know this too or if you are yet to realise.
Lucy Rebecca x