Macabre ~ part I

One of the things that terrifies me the most is how we can lose anyone at any given time. I think that even though some of us have had more experience with this than others, none of us can ever really accept that it happens. I mean you might think you understand it and therefore have accepted that it’s a part of life, but when someone close to you passes away it’s like suddenly you forget all that you know about it and you find yourself having to go through the process of accepting it all over again.

If you have had the experience of losing someone close to you, you will understand that it can take a long time before you can process what has happened and then come to accept it. It always seems a lot easier and simpler for others on the outside who aren’t involved in any way, but it’s a completely different story when you’re the one that it directly affects. I think for that reason, other people can sometimes be quick to tell us that it’s been so many months and still we’re not back to our usual selves. That we should have bounced back quicker because it’s been a certain amount of time.

But when you’re coping with a loss, time doesn’t matter anymore. It becomes irrelevant and it’s not what you are thinking about at all. Your mind is full to its capacity of trying to process what has happened and of course the grieving period, so why should we be thinking about time?

Losing someone close to you is one of the most difficult and saddest parts of life. The fact that someone can be with us one day and not here at all the next. The fact that they’ve disappeared from this earth and won’t have the chance to do or say anything ever again. That concept can also be quite hard to process, or at least I know it is for me.

I understand that life is a cycle and we only have a short time here, then we must go so that the cycle can continue and others can take our places. But what I don’t understand is how some people go before their time. How come some people have the misfortune of going too early, while others only go when they’re good and ready? Did someone with authority and control over the entire world decide to roll a dice and if it lands on you, you’re the one to must go before your time? Who decided it would happen that way? I imagine it like a huge dice with billions of different sides, each having a different person’s name on it. One side will have my name on it and another will have your name on it but luckily the dice hasn’t landed on either of us…yet.

I know your answer would probably be ‘well, accidents happen’. And of course they do, accidents will always be a part of life much like regrets or coincidences. But why should an accident be the deciding factor of whether someone will get to live another day? Why do the stakes of an accident have to be so insanely high that someone could lose their life forever? That’s something I’ll never, ever understand. It seems like a cruel, sadistic game to me, a game in which every single person on this planet is automatically participating in without a choice in the matter.

I just hope that those of us that are still here are able to do everything that we need and want to do in our lives before the dice lands on our side.


Lucy Rebecca x


  1. Wow!! Wonderful post. I had a still born 3 years ago and I don’t think you ever get over losing someone. No matter if it’s a child, spouse, parent or friend. I still cry at least twice a week.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It’s always hard but being aware, as you are, that things can change in the blink of an eye helps to be a little better prepared than someone who suppresses this reality in their minds. Furthermore, daily reflection on the impermanence of all things can help us to cherish and appreciate those we love all the more.

    Be well! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Finally someone understand what I am feeling. My boyfriend died 6 months ago. Everyone says it’s time to move on but how can you when you haven’t accepted the fact that he’s no longer here. Only our 1 year old daughter keeps me going. Thanks for writing this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very insightful, when a loved one dies there is a hole shaped just like them left in your heart, no one can fill that hole,. I think it is unrealistic to ‘get over’ a loss, just finding a way to live again. I have a close friend whose had a stillborn child over 30 years ago, she told me recently she has never gotten over it but thankful she lived through it, and her experience helped others grieve. Great post.


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