Why can’t we all be honest and admit that we feel insecure sometimes? Why can’t we take a deep breath and say what we’ve been struggling with lately or even our whole lives? I don’t think it’s right that in society we feel pressured to ‘cover up’ our insecurities in order to pretend that we’re completely carefree and have no worries at all.
Maybe you have an insecurity of abandonment that stems from your childhood. Maybe you have a fear of intimacy due to past relationships that have gone wrong and left you hurt. Maybe you have commitment issues because you enjoy being alone more than you do with potential partners. We all have insecurities of our own, regardless of what they may be, and we’re able to keep them hidden quite well most of the time.
You see someone walking down the street and you don’t know anything about them. They look like everyone else – it’s not as if they have their insecurities tattooed across their forehead. But wouldn’t it be interesting if we were able to see what other people’s insecurities were at a glance like that? Wouldn’t it make us feel so much better and more content to know that others have similar or even the same insecurities that we’ve had all our lives? Wouldn’t that make us feel less alone and less like the odd one out? I don’t know about anyone else but it would certainly make me feel better just to know that I’m not alone with the insecurities that I have personally and that the way I feel is more common than I may think.
Although we may be very aware of our own insecurities, most of the time we manage to keep them hidden beneath our exterior that is constantly presented to other people. Talking about our insecurities with other people isn’t often done (in my experience, anyway), so it’s like we have to constantly be trying to present this image that we’re not anxious, bothered or worried about anything. It feels like an act because while you’re putting on a happy face to everyone else, you feel completely different on the inside.
We’re made to believe and think that perfection isn’t real, that it doesn’t exist and we should only ever be ourselves, so if this is the case then why is it socially unacceptable to be honest and share our insecurities? Why do we have to cover them up like a bad blemish and pretend that we have everything together in our lives and that we’re totally okay? The sad truth is, maybe we’re really not okay and what makes it worse is that often we can’t even be honest that this is our reality because society doesn’t allow us to do this.
I think it would be easier to stop comparing ourselves to other people if we were able to know what their insecurities are. It would remind us that they’re not better than us in any way and that their life isn’t as ‘perfect’ as it may seem. But because we’re in a day and age when it’s not really okay to talk about our insecurities openly, it’s not surprising that we can so easily compare ourselves to other people; how could we not when we don’t know anything about them? It’s not until you truly get to know someone that you gradually begin to realise that they’re not as perfect and spectacular as you thought and you may even be able to see the cracks (that you previously thought were non-existent) start to show. You’re then able to learn and understand what their insecurities are, whether they happen to be similar to your own or completely different could be considered somewhat irrelevant because the fact is that they have them.
Insecurities start from ourselves but they can be brought out by other people, as scary as that might sound. You may have an insecurity of your body which no one else knows about and you may even be embarrassed to tell anyone (although you really shouldn’t be as it’s nothing to be ashamed of).
Then one day you start going out with a guy or girl who speaks their unhappiness with your body loud and clear, maybe even for everyone to hear. They might not necessarily know that your body is an insecurity of yours, but it doesn’t really matter because the damage has already been done. That insecurity within you starts to grow, getting bigger and bigger until it becomes extremely difficult for you to ignore. No one can see it on the outside from looking at you but it’s screaming at you on the inside, so much so that you feel like you’re suffocating.
You always had that same insecurity about your body, but at the beginning it was simply lying under the surface, not threatening you in any way. You were able to manage it and not let it get to you, even though you always knew it was there. It only takes a few words or a comment from someone else to cause this sleeping giant to awaken and morph into a monster that gradually gets so big and threatening that it begins to mess with your mind.
It’s also the same if have a fear of abandonment. You’ve never liked to be alone and always try to be in relationships because that way you’re always with someone at any given time. The truth is, you don’t know what to do when you’re on your own and the thought scares you. You fear that your need for other people makes you unable to be independent when you’re single and completely on your own, and this pushes you further towards being with other people so that you don’t have to face the truth and find out for yourself (maybe because afraid that you won’t like the answer).
Even though you know this is an insecurity of yours, you manage to keep it under control and out of the way by always being in a relationship of some sort with various different people. It’s all going well and you can almost bring yourself to forget that it’s even there at all. But one day your partner leaves, they disappear into thin air and are gone from your life. Absolutely no traces are left behind, almost as if they were never there at all. This turns your world upside down and you feel so incredibly hurt that this person basically abandoned you. Maybe without even knowing it, they brought that insecurity right out into the open and as a result you feel so much more lonely, hurt and insecure while you’re coming to terms with accepting that they left you and that you were abandoned.
Insecurities are significant to who we are as individuals and the truth is that they’re something we have all experienced in our lives, at one time or another. What’s really unfortunate, though, is how we’re not able to say it aloud or express how we truly feel inside. Insecurities can be perceived as threatening, scary, confusing and even intimidating, so why shouldn’t we express our anxieties, worries and concerns with others who can relate to us in this way?
Lucy Rebecca x