Indecision

I’ve always felt like everyone deserves a second chance and the reason why I think this is because if someone messes up once and several years pass which allows them to change, learn and potentially grow into a better person, shouldn’t that be reason enough to give them a second chance?

I understand that if someone does something to hurt you, it can take a really long time to overcome it because their actions might have impacted us in the worst ways. Whatever it was that happened could have been a personal challenge for you to overcome and could have left you feeling doubtful, reluctant and even insecure when it comes to being in a similar situation with someone else the next time round or in the future.

But if you leave on bad terms with someone who was once a big part of your life and you’ve since gone your separate ways, how do you decide if you should give them a second chance if they ever were to come back into your life, hypothetically speaking? I mean, you haven’t spoken to them for a long period of time and you have no idea if they’re still the same person you once knew or if they’ve changed in many ways since then, so how are you supposed to decide if they’re worthy of a second chance or not? Would you be willing to take a chance just to find out or would you not be willing to even go there? Is it fair to say that people can change or is that just being naïve?

I feel like many people choose not to think about it because it’s such a tough question to answer when we ask ourselves if we would give certain people a second chance. But isn’t it better to think about it anyway, since people tend to show up when we least expect them to and at least that way we can be a little bit prepared if it does happen? Wouldn’t you rather have some sort of idea as to what you might decide, rather than being totally put on the spot due to their sudden re-appearance and left not knowing what to do?

If you think about someone who hurt you badly in the past and let’s just say that they come back into your life when you least expect it. How would you react to that? How would you know how or what you should feel? You may have negative feelings towards them because let’s be honest, they did hurt you before, but is it fair to keep pinning the past to them after a long time has passed or should you believe that that was the ‘old’ them and that maybe you shouldn’t judge too quickly, especially since everyone makes mistakes and who knows, they might really regret their past actions now and understand that they were previously in the wrong.

Sometimes I wish there was an easy answer for this kind of situation and I honestly think there should be. People we know, especially old flames, always seem to show up when we least expect them to; it’s like they know exactly when we’ve moved on and are getting on with our lives and choose that moment to sweep back in and make an appearance after however much time has passed. This can easily throw people for a loop as they totally weren’t expected to hear from or see this person again.

How would you cope with it and what would you do that situation? Would you turn your back on them, telling yourself that they can’t have changed and reminding yourself that they hurt you in the past and therefore can easily do it again, especially as history is notorious for repeating itself? Or would you stay open-minded and choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, telling yourself that it’s not fair to pin old actions to people who have had the opportunity to grow and learn since then?

Deciding whether to give people we know, especially old flames, a second chance shouldn’t be underestimated. Certain people who you have any kind of history with, no matter how big or small that may be, can make that decision even more difficult than it would have been already. If things were especially complicated with this person, I think it would be hard to not let it become this way again simply due to the history that already exists there. Adding to the complications, there might even be built up feelings or past emotions that you’ve felt towards this person, whether that be heartbreak, heartache, anger, sadness, love, rage, betrayal and even deception.

All of those feelings are so intense on their own, so I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to deal with that and the decision to give them another chance or not. In this case, maybe it would be easier to decide against giving them a second chance in the hope of spearing yourself all of that complication which you might be aiming to avoid, but is that fair on the other person and is that a valid enough reason to deny them a second chance which they may or may not have deserved?

Love,

Lucy Rebecca x

 

4 Replies to “Indecision”

  1. I’ve always liked the concept of purpose when it comes to different relationships. For example, I have family members that are very toxic. Do I need to spend every moment with them? No, of course not, so I see them on important events – like holidays, weddings, funerals, etc. I also think there are times when you can trust your instinct. If it feels like they have not changed, then chances are they have not.
    Interesting and deep post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel it all depends on your intuition. Some relationships have ‘closure’ – a term I feel is not fitting because when you care for a person deeply, it’s not a light switch you shut off. Therefore, the word closure does not ‘fit’. Let us use, acceptance…this means you parts ways after an understanding is made. Now, some others are not. These are the ones I feel are left ‘open’ for a reason and once the moment happens, you need to trust yourself…that is the heart of it. It’s what you deserve, to come to an understanding and accept, release, or choose. We all look to validate relationships. Having a choice is a huge part of not giving others a chance but more so, ourselves.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Very nice discussion you have going here. You clearly put a lot of thought into it.

    I really can’t add anything to what you’ve already said other than, when deciding whether to give someone a second chance because he’s grown and he’s not the same person, it would be wise to ask yourself whether you’re enough of the same person to want him back in your life.

    The reason to go back to someone is for comfort; you know who that person is and what to expect from him. But when doing this, you have to realize that if he’s not the same person that he was, then even that level of comfort really won’t exist. You also have to realize that you may not be the same person he knew either, which means he may end up not being completely comfortable with you (as much as he initially thought he would be) and might end up not wanting to continue in a relationship with this new version of you anyway.

    I’m not saying a former relationship can’t ever be returned to again. It can and does happen. However, there are risks involved that aren’t only about the other person, but also about you. And that’s something else you have to consider when asking the question of whether you want to attempt to wipe the slate clean with someone you’ve been with and try to start over, or if you simply want a clean slate with someone else.

    But yeah, everything you said was right on point.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think this issue has to be examined on a case by case basis. I think a lot of it depends on what they did to hurt you. If someone was physically abusive, then that would pose a danger taking them back. But, in that same breath, people change. So I guess it all hinges on how strong the feelings were before and if you think they’ve changed. Sorry for rambling :/

    Liked by 2 people

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