I’ve always felt like everyone deserves a second chance and the reason why I think this is because if someone messes up once and several years pass which allows them to change, learn and potentially grow into a better person, shouldn’t that be reason enough to give them a second chance?
I understand that if someone does something to hurt you, it can take a really long time to overcome it because their actions might have impacted us in the worst ways. Whatever it was that happened could have been a personal challenge for you to overcome and could have left you feeling doubtful, reluctant and even insecure when it comes to being in a similar situation with someone else the next time round or in the future.
But if you leave on bad terms with someone who was once a big part of your life and you’ve since gone your separate ways, how do you decide if you should give them a second chance if they ever were to come back into your life, hypothetically speaking? I mean, you haven’t spoken to them for a long period of time and you have no idea if they’re still the same person you once knew or if they’ve changed in many ways since then, so how are you supposed to decide if they’re worthy of a second chance or not? Would you be willing to take a chance just to find out or would you not be willing to even go there? Is it fair to say that people can change or is that just being naïve?
I feel like many people choose not to think about it because it’s such a tough question to answer when we ask ourselves if we would give certain people a second chance. But isn’t it better to think about it anyway, since people tend to show up when we least expect them to and at least that way we can be a little bit prepared if it does happen? Wouldn’t you rather have some sort of idea as to what you might decide, rather than being totally put on the spot due to their sudden re-appearance and left not knowing what to do?
If you think about someone who hurt you badly in the past and let’s just say that they come back into your life when you least expect it. How would you react to that? How would you know how or what you should feel? You may have negative feelings towards them because let’s be honest, they did hurt you before, but is it fair to keep pinning the past to them after a long time has passed or should you believe that that was the ‘old’ them and that maybe you shouldn’t judge too quickly, especially since everyone makes mistakes and who knows, they might really regret their past actions now and understand that they were previously in the wrong.
Sometimes I wish there was an easy answer for this kind of situation and I honestly think there should be. People we know, especially old flames, always seem to show up when we least expect them to; it’s like they know exactly when we’ve moved on and are getting on with our lives and choose that moment to sweep back in and make an appearance after however much time has passed. This can easily throw people for a loop as they totally weren’t expected to hear from or see this person again.
How would you cope with it and what would you do that situation? Would you turn your back on them, telling yourself that they can’t have changed and reminding yourself that they hurt you in the past and therefore can easily do it again, especially as history is notorious for repeating itself? Or would you stay open-minded and choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, telling yourself that it’s not fair to pin old actions to people who have had the opportunity to grow and learn since then?
Deciding whether to give people we know, especially old flames, a second chance shouldn’t be underestimated. Certain people who you have any kind of history with, no matter how big or small that may be, can make that decision even more difficult than it would have been already. If things were especially complicated with this person, I think it would be hard to not let it become this way again simply due to the history that already exists there. Adding to the complications, there might even be built up feelings or past emotions that you’ve felt towards this person, whether that be heartbreak, heartache, anger, sadness, love, rage, betrayal and even deception.
All of those feelings are so intense on their own, so I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to deal with that and the decision to give them another chance or not. In this case, maybe it would be easier to decide against giving them a second chance in the hope of spearing yourself all of that complication which you might be aiming to avoid, but is that fair on the other person and is that a valid enough reason to deny them a second chance which they may or may not have deserved?
Lucy Rebecca x