How refreshing it is having a new perspective, a new mindset and a new focus. I guess when you think the same way about something for such a long time it becomes all too familiar. I had forgotten how good it felt to re-focus and how exciting and fresh that can be.
Moving on was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Nothing compares to the difficulty of leaving someone who you care so deeply for and have gone through so much with. Nothing compares to the hurt and betrayal you feel when you realise they weren’t half the person you thought they were or regularly gave so much credit to. Nothing could take away all those nights I would lie in bed, thinking about the one person I knew I should not be thinking of. I wasn’t ready to move on then, but I know I am now.
Lately I’ve had a change of perspective. Maybe it’s something to do with the new year, new start, new you etc., or maybe I would have come to this realisation anyway and it was only a matter of time. I was finally able to take my focus off of the one person who was holding me back. Holding me back from so many things: new people, new experiences, new feelings, new relationships and many others. I must admit that I didn’t realise just how much it was all holding me back, and a part of me wishes I had come to this realisation sooner…nevertheless I’m pleased I’m here now and all of that is behind me.
For the first time in a long time I’m excited. Not only do I feel so much happier than I used to, but I feel like I have a better sense of direction and all the things I want to achieve are just ahead of me, within reach. Obviously a big part of that is simply because of my positive mindset and the new perspective that I’ve gathered over time; in the time that has passed I’ve been able to distance myself from every bad and negative experience that happened within the last year or so.
But, another reason why I’m excited is because I’ve met someone who sees so much good in me. He sees me in a way which many people don’t and I can’t even begin to explain how it feels to meet someone who sees you in a similar way to how you see yourself, in terms of your qualities, strengths, weaknesses etc. He listens to me. He cares about how I feel and what I want. In fact, he cares enough that he will always tell me what he thinks about what I’ve said and what his opinion is. In that way he proves that he’s listening, so I never end up feeling unheard or ignored. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone who has always made an effort to listen to me when I say something or who cares enough to talk things through with me, to help me when I’m anxious or worried about something. When we’re together he looks at me and asks me what I’m thinking about. He wants to know what’s on my mind, whether it be good or bad, a happy thought or a negative one.
I can’t help but think about how I feel completely different to how I felt just a few months ago. I can’t help but think about what a difference it makes when you have a positive influence in your life, instead of a negative one. I can’t help but think of all the ways that he is different to the person who betrayed me, break my heart and tore me apart inside. All I can hope is that it lasts, and I know that it should. I know that I deserve for it to last.
Lucy Rebecca x