How ironic it is to have finally met someone of which you feel you can trust (hence leaving your guard down) only to end up getting hurt once again. The thing is, you might start off with your guard up but it slowly starts to come down when you feel safe around a particular person and who gives you no cause for concern or reason to worry. So, naturally, you let that person in because it feels like the right thing to do; you don’t see how it could ever end badly with them.
Unfortunately not long after we do this, we usually get our trust thrown back in our face. We are reminded, in sometimes the worst ways possible, why it’s such a danger to put our trust in another person. Trust is supposed to be a good thing, right? So how come it feels so bad when someone breaks it? How come it leaves us cautious of this person and fearful to trust again – not just the person who broke it, but people we meet in the future? If trust is such a good thing, how does it end up having the power to truly hurt us and make us feel betrayed? How can these kinds of negative feelings come from allowing ourselves to trust?
I think it’s a lot like love in this way, since we’re always told how amazing love is and what a great part of life it is, but love can also be incredibly hurtful and damaging to us when it takes a turn for the worse. So my question is, how do things like trust and love still keep such good reputations, when people are getting their trust and their heart broken every day, by the very person we believed would not hurt us? Why do so many people want/try to pursue something that has the power to hurt ourselves? Are we on some kind of crazy mission to try self-destruct or something? And if we’ve been hurt and betrayed by it before in our past, why do so many of us continue to look for it and risk it every single time?
It’s like the universe is always teasing us, showing us a glimpse of something great that seems like it’s within reach, but when we take the chance to grab it it snatches it away and gives us a slap in the face instead. It seems like a vicious cycle of us constantly pursuing and yearning, only to miss out on the reward and the only thing that we truly want. Each time our heart or trust is broken, we get kicked down as some sort of punishment for simply being hopeful and wishing for the best. It seems that only a few of us are fortunate enough to get what they are hoping for, without this somewhat cruel twist of fate intervening. What did the rest of us ever do to deserve missing out? Where did we go wrong? Why is it that some of us always seem to be the ones who suffer the consequences, having only experienced the negative, damaging side of love and trust, while others skive through unharmed and unaffected?
In the moment it seems as though we have only been betrayed by the person who has hurt us, or broken our trust/heart. While this is true, I also feel like the bigger power who has betrayed us, and even deceived us in a way, is the universe itself. How did we become so hopeful in the first place? Because we were shown a glimpse of happiness, of something that we truly want, and in a way that made it seem feasible and achievable. This, to me, seems like the biggest betrayal of all.
Lucy Rebecca x