Blog, Love, Personal

Perplexity

All I wanted was to be given a chance. We all deserve that even if nothing else, right? A chance for each of us to make someone we truly care about happy. A chance to prove them wrong and show them how different it could be to what they had imagined. A chance to not only show them what happiness can look like, but also to ourselves.

It really is unfortunate when you truly care about someone who does not feel the same way as you, who cannot return your feelings and who does not have the same faith that it can work out and become something amazing that both of you will want to hold onto. What are you supposed to do when you see it so differently to one another? Who’s right and who’s wrong? Who’s perspective are you supposed to follow: yours or theirs? These are just some of the questions that I’ve been asking myself for what seems like a long time now.

At the end of the day you may just want different things, and that will always be out of your control. I think I’m beginning to understand that, after a long time of trying so hard for us both to want the same overall goal and for it to go in the direction that we both mutually want. If you’re the person who does believe it can work out you will understand how difficult this may be to accept, as in my opinion you’re in a much tougher position than they are. This is particularly true if you feel something for them and care about them, and all of those feelings are telling you not to walk away and not to give up, despite it not being reciprocated. So what do you do in this situation? Do you listen to your head over heart or vice versa? Which voice is the right one to listen to?

I’ve always been one to listen to my heart and not my head, mostly because I totally trust my feelings and trust where they lead me. I believe that if I feel something for someone, there must be a good reason why and that alone is a good enough reason for me to follow those feelings with complete confidence. However, you’re shortly stopped in your tracks when it comes to your attention that the other person does not share those feelings and therefore can’t relate to how you feel. Should that change the fact that you trust your feelings? Does that mean that you should you stop trusting them altogether, knowing that they can get you into a tricky situation like this, where you can potentially get hurt and face rejection?

It’s certainly a tough place to be in. In a way I almost envy the other person, as they’re not in any danger of facing these things and also have nothing stopping them when it comes to moving on and moving forward, away from you. They didn’t want the same thing as you, after all, which ultimately saves them from being in a position where they feel unsatisfied and unhappy due to being unable to get what they want. The person holding the feelings and who has the wish for something more to happen, however, knows exactly how this feels.

Once the realisation comes, what do you do next? What do you do when you can see that you can’t both get what you want? Do you settle for something less that what you ultimately want, just to keep that person in your life? Chances are, if you deeply care about them and feel something for them you’re unlikely to be willing to let them go this easily. So should you sacrifice what you ultimately want just to keep them around? Is it fair to ask ourselves to do this? Are they worth this? Is this going to make us happy, even if we’re still missing out on what we wanted all along?

I wish I knew of a way both people could both benefit from it, but all I’ve gathered so far is that only one of you can. If you decide to stay friends, they’re satisfied but you’re left unhappy. If you’re in a relationship, you’re satisfied but they’re unhappy. So how do you keep both people happy and satisfied? Is it possible to be something that sits between being friends and in a relationship, like a middle ground which you both can agree to and feel happy and comfortable with? How much should you be willing to compromise, if at all?

And of course if you do decide to stay friends, it becomes a question of what to do with your feelings for them? How can you move on from them emotionally and overcome your feelings when you’re still talking and seeing them on a regular basis, since they’re still very much in your life due to this new established friendship? Or is the only way to truly get over them and see past your feelings to remove them from your life altogether? In this situation, I wonder if it’s better to be something rather than nothing, or nothing rather than something…if that makes sense.

What I would do for a crystal ball right now!

Love,

Lucy Rebecca x

 

One thought on “Perplexity

  1. this was touching to read. I very recently went through a break up after nearly 5 years of being with him. As you said, I’m someone who listens to my heart as well, but as hard as it has been to come to terms with it, I tell myself that everything happens for a reason, even if it seems hard to comprehend why in that moment. Whatever happens, it’ll work out for the best! xx

    Liked by 1 person

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