The best possible outcome – the one you’re aiming for – is to get yourself back on track to a healthy mindset. This means have full confidence in yourself, being able to back your decisions and having a perspective that is not clouded but completely clear. This means having the right balance between acting on your emotional and logical side and looking at the previous situation or relationship objectively to determine what is the best next step for you personally.
Like I said previously, NC is not about trying to get your ex back or making them miss your absence so much that they’ll reach out. This may happen, but it shouldn’t be the goal or what you’re focusing on. Remember that you should be focusing on yourself, and what I discussed at the end of Part II was simply what will most likely be going through your ex’s mind while you’re following this process. However that doesn’t mean the process ends or stops there, really it’s just one small aspect of a much bigger picture.
The best outcome is also for you to end up the best possible version of yourself that you can be. It might sound super cheesy but it’s true and should definitely be your goal here. You need to be doing NC for yourself, with only yourself in mind, not anybody else. That’s the only way that NC can be 100% effective and beneficial for you, so that you don’t finish on the 28th day and feel like it was a waste of time because your ex doesn’t want you back after all of that. That’s the most obvious example I can think of of putting the focus in the wrong place and on the wrong thing. That is exactly what leads to disappointment and wondering what you did wrong during the 28 days. If you end up feeling like it was ineffective it’s most likely because you used it ineffectively.
Now you’re probably wondering what the worst outcome of NC is, right? Well, it’s actually what I just mentioned: that you follow the process through right until the end and then feel disappointed with where it has lead you, or with what has not happened. I understand that you might have wished for something different to happen, and felt disappointed if it didn’t, but you should also know that NC is not a sure-way to get whatever you were wanting to happen. We can never control other people or make them do anything, no matter how much we wish we could or want them to do something. Hence, NC is not a sure-way to get your ex back or to make him miss you enough to reach out or want you back. That decision has to come from them, and it has to be their idea completely, not yours. That’s why NC should be all about you, since you’re the only person you can control and make decisions for.
If you’re wondering what happens after NC, after you’ve completed 28 days of silence and no communication whatsoever, the answer is simple: it’s up to you. This is when the clarity you’ve gained and the ability to think both emotionally and logically comes into play. This is exactly what you’ve been working towards during the no contact period, so now is the best time to use what you’ve been focusing on building. You have already proven to both yourself and your ex that you don’t need him, and that you can get on with your life without them in it, that you are independent and strong and now very level-headed.
Now you must decide whether the relationship or situation is worth saving, if it can be brought back to something good, healthy and worthwhile again, or whether it is best left alone and in the past. In other words, are you going to go back to what you had or move onto something new? First you must determine whether it’s even an option to go back, like whether your ex would want the same thing as you and whether there is even a chance, realistically speaking. If you think there is, then it’s your call to make whether you go back to it or move away from it.
Regardless of what you decide, the good news is that either way you can back yourself 100% because you’re in the best possible mindset and can look at either scenario objectively and with a clear head, with nothing clouding your judgment or getting in the way of making the best decision for you. There is really no right or wrong thing to do here, as it’s all based on your personal circumstances and what’s going to make you happy moving forward. Give it plenty of consideration so that you are essentially putting yourself in the best possible place, and not only where you’d like to be but where you need to be. Remember that this decision should only be about you, so don’t let anyone else take the focus away from what you need to do for yourself. At the end of the day we need to put ourselves first and that’s exactly why this decision needs to be about you!
Lucy Rebecca x