Another year, another birthday post for my blog! It feels like just yesterday that I was writing about turning 21 and how special it felt to have made it to such a milestone age, but it seems a whole year has elapsed between then and now, and now and I’m here talking about turning 22!
The last year has been full-on, for many different reasons. For the first half my relationship with someone very close to me (or was close to me, I should say), was on a downwards spiral and towards the end of the year it crashed and burned for good. It was around Christmas time, and although I was surrounded by family and people I loved, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly sad at how I was feeling emotionally. I was able to put on a happy face full of external smiles throughout the duration, but on the inside I felt like I was being ripped apart by someone I trusted and believed would not hurt me in such a way. It was ugly and rough, to say the least.
The second half of the year got a bit better. Slowly but surely I got further away from this person’s memory and was able to look ahead instead of behind me for the first time in a while. Emotionally I was recovering and getting myself into a better place. This is not to say that it was easy or that it stayed this was 100% of the time, because it wasn’t and it didn’t, but I was so proud of myself for simply looking after myself and getting myself back on track. I’ve been focusing on myself for majority of this time, taking care of myself both physically, emotionally and mentally. I did have one down-fall about a month ago when my mindset became negative, due to a down-fall in a relationship with someone I had been talking a lot with, however I was able to pull myself out of it since.
I feel as though I have learnt a lot in the last year, and that is due to experiencing both the good and bad. Those that left me feeling hurt and broken as well as those of happiness and positivity. Maybe that sounds totally cliche but I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t truly believe it. I was able to learn so much more about myself throughout these moments and, more importantly, I backed myself the whole time and looked after myself when I needed it the most. Even though it might sound obvious, taking care of yourself when you’re in a bad place is not always as easy as it sounds; it can take time to get back to a positive mindset and/or where you were before things took a turn for the worst.
Sometimes when push comes to shove, you are the only person still around even when the other person is not, and ultimately you are the only one who can make a change like this for yourself. It’s okay (and dare I say comforting) to rely on other people to an extent, but you cannot rely on them to change what only you can change or to do something that can only come from you. This is just one of the things I have learnt in the past year.
If nothing else, I can confidently say that I have proved so many good and positive things to myself in the last year and I’ll do everything I can to do the same in the year to come!
Lucy Rebecca x