I can’t hear you, I can’t feel you and I can’t get through to you. It feels like you’re standing right in front of me, but a dense ocean stretches between us and keeps us separated. You have your back to me, you’re looking at something far away that I can’t see. I can’t reach you anymore. You don’t know I’m here.
Salty tears spill over the edge and roll down my cheeks, creating a wet trail through my foundation. Peering at myself in the mirror, I see small smudges of mascara under my eyelids and a pile of long, tousled hair that has been caught in unforgiving wind and rain.
It can be incredibly scary once someone truly gets to know us. I’m not talking about knowing what we like to do on the weekends or what our favourite colour is, none of those trivial facts about ourselves. I mean when you’ve been talking to someone and over a long period of time you’ve told them things about yourself that you would hold back at first.
A natural reaction to a problem in our lives is to turn to escapism. That is when we try to escape the problem by ignoring it, pushing it to the very back of our minds as we remind ourselves to focus on the things right in front of us. We want to distract ourselves from the problem we’re facing and a part of us hopes that it might, just might, go away completely if we don’t directly deal with it.
One of the hardest things about high school is getting the kind of attention that you don’t like. It’s so easy for others to open their mouth and say something inappropriate or uncalled for, and it only takes a few seconds before the damage is done.
It was my 20th birthday only three days ago, marking a new year full of uncertainty and mystery. Although 20 might sound young, I still can’t believe I’ve been alive for that long. That being said, so much has happened in my life that it makes sense for all that craziness to be spread over 20 full years.